As parents you need to connect with the idea that your no.1 job is to love your teenagers them no matter what they do, what they say or how they behave. Your teenager needs to know that your love for them is not conditional but unconditional. When love is removed because of a child’s bad behavior anger, sadness and frustration start to brew.
After doing some research into the behaviors of teenagers, some interesting facts came to light. Dr. Paul Jenkins gives us some useful tips on how to deal with an angry teenager.
- The best thing you can do in this situation is to maintain a calm face, voice and body when communicating with an angry teen. If you’re calm you are able to listen more effectively and to come to a better solution quicker than if you are angry yourself. Dr. Paul Jenkins says “Stay Calm and Parent on”. Being calm puts you in a stronger position to lead your teenager into a better perspective of the issue at hand, and gives your teenager an example of how you expect them to behave. This also allows you to separate the emotion from the discipline!
- Practice unwavering respect, I realise this is a hard one but trust me when I ask you to treat your teenagers with unwavering respect. This again puts you in a powerful position with your teenagers because they can not win the fight or argument if you as a parent are showing them respect. Your teenager will be very confused and will automatically change his/her behavior.
- Set appropriate limits, you are ultimately responsible for your teenager’s well-being and development into adulthood. It is your job to teach them how to take on responsibility and how to accept consequences for bad behavior. By setting clear boundaries and house rules this give you back the control.
- My favorite piece of advice from Dr. Paul Jenkins is ‘the storm will pass’. With every thunder bolt and lightning flash, you get a little closer to the end of the storm. The after math is often messy and sometimes devastating but it always comes to an end. So, when your teenager is raging, weather the storm, wait till it’s over before taking action and setting up some consequences for them. Remember stay calm, you will not win this battle if you join in on the storm.
“When parents are smiling teenagers are thinking” – Dr. Paul Jenkins, that’s certainly something to think about. When parents are smiling their teenagers are trying to figure out what the heck is going on. They’ll be thinking there must be something wrong. Keep your teenagers on their toes.